I have been trying for weeks to figure out how I wanted to share the information that I am about to share in this post. I am not one to share deeply personal things on the internet, and I somewhat despise social media for the mere fact that people use it for that reason. Also, my mind thinks in analogies and until I have a good analogy or word picture to explain the situation, I typically don't share it at all.
In this case, some very wise people in my life have encouraged me to share my ongoing story and the Harry Potter books, of all things, provided the inspiration.
Jay and I recently found out that we may not be able to have children. This news has caused a type of grief in my life that I have never experienced before; the helpless loss of hope and long held expectations.
And no one gets it.
At least no one among my current interactions (including Jay) gets it. Everyone has a quick solution - IVF, adoption, foster parenting, etc . . ., and although I am excited to see where God is going to take us in this journey, something inside me has been altered and scarred forever. (Wait for it - Here comes the Harry Potter analogy).
The only way I can explain it is this: In the Harry Potter books, Harry witnesses the death of one of his classmates. When he returns to Hogwarts a few months later, Harry feels isolated, but to his surprise, he can now see the once invisible creatures that pull the carriages that carry the students up to the school. His friend can't see them, but it is explained that only people who have experienced death can see the Thestrals.
In my own way, I feel like I can see the Thestrals. My world view has changed and it seems like no one sees it the same way.
But I know this isn't true. Our God has prepared me for this in so many ways. He has given me so many friends who have struggled with infertility. He has created a longing in my heart to care for the widows and the orphans. He is teaching me what it means to be adopted into His family and how to open my life to children who need a family.
I am excited to see where we will go and who God will bring into our lives and our family and we would love your prayers as we move forward in this journey.
In this case, some very wise people in my life have encouraged me to share my ongoing story and the Harry Potter books, of all things, provided the inspiration.
Jay and I recently found out that we may not be able to have children. This news has caused a type of grief in my life that I have never experienced before; the helpless loss of hope and long held expectations.
And no one gets it.
At least no one among my current interactions (including Jay) gets it. Everyone has a quick solution - IVF, adoption, foster parenting, etc . . ., and although I am excited to see where God is going to take us in this journey, something inside me has been altered and scarred forever. (Wait for it - Here comes the Harry Potter analogy).
The only way I can explain it is this: In the Harry Potter books, Harry witnesses the death of one of his classmates. When he returns to Hogwarts a few months later, Harry feels isolated, but to his surprise, he can now see the once invisible creatures that pull the carriages that carry the students up to the school. His friend can't see them, but it is explained that only people who have experienced death can see the Thestrals.
In my own way, I feel like I can see the Thestrals. My world view has changed and it seems like no one sees it the same way.
But I know this isn't true. Our God has prepared me for this in so many ways. He has given me so many friends who have struggled with infertility. He has created a longing in my heart to care for the widows and the orphans. He is teaching me what it means to be adopted into His family and how to open my life to children who need a family.
I am excited to see where we will go and who God will bring into our lives and our family and we would love your prayers as we move forward in this journey.
3 comments:
Your courage has always inspired me.
Thanks for sharing, Liz. That's an incredibly vulnerable thing to share, and one that not many people can understand. May God meet you in your sorrow and show you His incredible love.
liz, we don't know each other and i just now stumbled upon your blog so i haven't even been reading it, but my family (the corleys) grew up with the taylors so i feel like i know you by association anyways :-)
when i first started reading your post, i assumed you were going to share that you and jay were having a baby since every single person i know is having a baby. we've been trying for 3 years with no luck so far, and while we don't know if we'll ever be able to have children or not, i can definitely relate to your harry potter analogy. it really does feel like a different perspective. and one that seemingly no one else shares. i just wanted to tell you how uplifted i felt by your courage. i can't really explain why or how, but i feel encouraged for hearing a little snippet of your story.
so thanks.
and i'm so so sorry.
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