Adoption and the Art of the Waiting Family

When we adopted our oldest son, we didn't have wait.

Before we were ever approved by the state, we were called, matched and the I-guy was born 24 hours later. It was a whirlwind, but there was no waiting.

This past February, we were called and accepted a match with a new birth mom. The original due date was only 3 weeks away, but an ultrasound pushed that date back 6 weeks.

So we waited.  WAITING IS HARD. 

And in the waiting, here are some things that we did.

We set up a crib.

We bought a double stroller.

We started requesting formula samples.

We bought one package of tiny diapers.

We started talking with the I-guy about "Baby Brother". (For the record, I-guy kept insisting it was a "baby sister").

We washed some newborn clothing and sanitized bottles..

We prayed for Birth Mom and new baby like crazy.

WAITING IS HARD.

There were also some things we very consciously did not do.

We did not choose a name.

We did not take the tags off or wash the new "baby brother" onesie that we were given.

We (meaning I, Liz) had some trouble sleeping. 

We did not totally believe this baby we were matched with was ever going to come to live in our.

Don't take our disbelief as lack of faith. We knew God was going to add an amazing chapter to our story through this second adoption. We just didn't know exactly what it look like. 

When you enter the waiting period as a matched family, the words "cautious optimism" are pushed at you and truly that is how we lived for the 8 weeks or so, that we were waiting. 

WAITING IS HARD!

It is a strange sort of edge to live on, knowing that any moment you could receive a phone call that could change your life. There are countless scenarios that run through your mind. 

They could tell you baby is born, healthy and you should come and get it. Baby could be born with severe medical or developmental needs. Birth mom could have changed her mind. Birth mom wants to meet you at the hospital. Birth mom does not want to meet you. Birth dad is putting up a fight about the adoption. Etc. . . Etc. . . Etc. . .

WAITING IS HARD!

Waiting IS hard. . . 

But totally worth it.

3 Ways to Help Adoptive/Foster Families

As announced in the last post, we are ADOPTING again!

With another adoption comes another huge bill (or bills). To help offset the costs out of pocket, we have been running fundraisers: garage sales, euchre tournaments, and most recently, we have been selling these adorable magnets.

We have been saving our pennies, working extra jobs and extra hours. We have applied for several adoption grants and we have prayed for miracles.

We are fully aware that we can't do this adoption thing alone. More than that, all adoptive/foster families need support and help from their communities. 

Because not everyone can help adoptive/foster families with money, here is my short, and not at all complete, list of ways you could help out the adoptive/foster families in your life that don't cost you anything except a little time.

1. Formula Samples! There are a lot of formula samples available across the internet. For anyone who is adopting a baby, it is likely that they will need formula and formula is expensive. You can sign up to receive formula samples here and here that can help offset some of the formula costs.

2. Ask for clothing/supply donations from your circles. Even if you are close to the adoptive family that you want to help, chances are you know people who might have baby supplies they are looking to give away or lend. 

We saw this one in action big-time with the arrival of our Little Man. We basically had a  and only a car seat when we went to the hospital to pick him up (more on that story here and here), but when we returned two days later, we had all the supplies we needed and most had been donated or lent to us. 

The clothes and car seat that we used to bring Little Man home were all lent to us.

One of our friends simply put out a facebook plea with no details other than a family was in desperate need of baby boy clothes, and that plea alone brought in two garbage bags full of clothing and blankets. In fact we were given so many clothes, we didn't need to buy him any clothing until he was over a year old.

3. Offer physical help. Our Little Man was born in the fall and one thing we found we needed help with was clearing the leaves out of our yard (we had a huge, tree-filled yard at the time). If people asked us how they could help, we would often hand them a rake. 

Many hands make light work, and sometimes giving adoptive/foster families a little help around the house or yard while they are adjusting to new additions to their households, can be a huge help.

I hope these are helpful - now go and help the adoptive/foster families in your life!. 

A Long, Full Absence

Well, it has been 11 months since I have posted here. 

Whoops. 

In typical Taylor fashion, we have filled those 11 months with . . . well . . .  ummm. . . . here is a quick overview. 

May 2014, Jay jumped on his motorcycle and drove the 8000 miles to Brazil with his dad to scatter his grandparents ashes. A simple sentence, but a crazy 5 weeks of adventures.

Little Man and I were on our own while they were gone, so we went on adventures of our own! Trips driving around the state and big trip to Nebraska to see family.

Once Jay made it back safely, we spent the summer enjoying where we live.

 A different beach every weekend. 

And a lot of visitors!

Fall meant a big birthday for Jay (30!!) and a big birthday for Little Man (2!!)

A new home, a new job for me, and a our first ER visit with Little Man (merry-go-rounds are dangerous and I hate concussions.)

Holidays meant travel and family.

And a long winter in northern Michigan spurred us to take a spontaneous trip to Florida. 

A while ago, Jay and I tried to come up with some numbers to calculate the past year. We came up with a list like this:
10,000 plane miles
8000 motorcycle miles
2000 driving miles
200 miles lakeshore running (1/2 marathon training)
100 boxes moved
20+ summer visitors
10 new beaches visited
2 new jobs
1 new house

And we are hoping to add another number to the list soon - One new kid!

We are adopting again and from all indications, it should happen soon. 

So welcome back to the land of the living, blog. Big changes are ahead, so we had better be ready to keep up.

@%*! People have said concerning adoption

After a long blogging hiatus, I have been inspired by a couple of other posts (check out the videos here and here) to compile my own list of the ridiculous questions and comments We have received about Little Man and adoption.

1. From an older woman at the Farmer's Market: 

"We adopted one of those . . . aren't they so smart!"

She was old . . . I just walked away.

    

2. From a perfect stranger I met at a friend's house. (Note: she was talking directly to my 7 month old who looked like the picture above)

"Oh, why do you have to wear a helmet? Did someone neglect you in your crib when you were little?"

Yeah.

3. "Why did you adopt? Why don't you and your husband just get on it?"

We do, don't you worry about that.

4. "He is going to be the whitest black kid ever"

We have heard a version of this many times. I never know how to respond.

5. Any joke about calling CPS.

It is just wrong. Believe me, we have been screened, probed, examined, and interrogated and have been deemed worthy to be Little Man's parents.

For the record, it is also inappropriate to ask how much he cost, do we want to have "kids of our own", or to ask when we are going to tell him he is adopted.

But please, do ask about his adoption. We love to tell the story (blogged here and here) and share about our excitement and passion for adoption. We also are pretty open about our infertility struggles, so you can ask about that as well. We know God has given us our story and Little Man and we are praying for more Little Men or Women to join our family in the future.

We are figuring out this parenting thing one day at a time, just like ALL other first time parents, and, for the record, we wouldn't trade our Little Man for the world. 

Why go?

I have been challenged recently to have an answer if and when people ask me why I am returning to India. 

Yesterday, I watched this documentary (link to the trailer): 

 And it was amazing, horrifying, and truly eye-opening. At the very end, the narrator gave a quote that went something like this: 

After this journey, I have been wounded, and it is a wound I hope to never recover from.

If ever a line explained what my first trip to India did to me, that would be that one. I find the burden of the fate of women and girls in India to be one that I carry with me daily. And with that burden comes the prayer and promise to God that as often as He calls me there, I will go. 

“You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know.” 
― William Wilberforce

One year (and one month)

Little Man is now a one year old. It is amazing how fast that year went. In honor of him being 12 months old, here are 12 facts about him:

1. He has his own filing system.

Anyone who has spent any time around this little guy, knows that he is busy and loves to put things in other things. The other day, I had some time, so I followed him around to see if there was a pattern. Here is what I discovered:
- Paci's go in the trash
- Toiletries go in the Washing machine.
- Items from my nightstand go in the hamper.
- Shoes go in the diaper pail
- Remote controls go in the toilet

We are just thankful he hasn't found the laundry shoot yet.

2. He has a giant head.

This is not just a "we think his head looks large" kind of fact, but the doctor told us at his 12 month appointment that he is average height and weight, but 90% percentile for head circumference. Luckily for him, Jay and I also have extraordinarily large heads and we will be able to help him find the stores that sell hats in L/XL.

3. His first word was "Chango" because they are best buddies.

4. He is strong - he likes to try and pick up furniture and tip large items over.

5. He likes to read books 1.5 times. Seriously, if you can make it through a book 2 entire times, it is a miracle.

6. He will play peek-a-boo by himself until someone notices.

7. He would play in the toilet all day if I would let him.

8. The second anyone tries to hold his hand, he goes limp and falls to the floor in giggles. (makes parking lots exciting.

9. He tries to kiss my cheek, but usually just ends up biting my cheek.

10. I have been clapping and cheering for him to encourage him to try new foods and he recently began clapping for me whenever I take a bite too.

11. He wears a size 6 shoe (same size as his three year old cousin).

12. He is fearless and has taken head first dives off stairs, into pools, into bathtubs and more. Let's just say, he keeps me on my toes.

And a bonus #13 because he is now 13 months:
He runs into walls when angry - it is like Toddler Pin Ball.

Happy Birthday (now 13 months!) to my Little Man.

Let Me Tell You a Story . . .

It all began about 7 years ago.

I was sitting in Grace Chapel during a mission focused weekend listening to my future sister-in-law, Crystal talk about the 6 months she had just spent working in India. She is a wonderful singer/songwriter and finished her talk with a song that she wrote to honor the children she had worked with. Sitting there listening was one of the first times I remember clearly hearing God speak. A quiet voice said "You are going to do that one day. You are going to go and help these same children".

A vision had been given and since I was graduating college soon, I began to research what it would mean to go and work in India. A couple months later, my boyfriend became my fiancé and a wedding and job working with students with special needs halted any plans to go overseas.

But I still remembered the promise God made and lived with eyes open to how I could be a part of what God was doing in India.

Fast forward to 2011 and God provided the opportunity for Jay and I to travel to Chennai, India with Granger Community Church. The focus of that trip was to bring hope to the children of a single village.   On our last morning, Jay sang his sister's song, the same one from the mission's weekend, and I was able to celebrate that God keeps His word. I was made for such a time as that trip.
 

In partnership with Granger, we returned this past March to continue to try and bring the good news of Jesus to the children in India with plans to go back in the near future to complete the work

I sometimes get whiplash with how quickly God changes our plans! As I type this, I am reminded that at this exact moment, we were supposed to be in India with Granger, but because of some changes that Granger has made, our project we had been working on has been suspended.

This summer Jay left SpringHill and took a job with Bay Pointe Community Church in Traverse City, a decision that I admittedly have struggled with understanding until two weeks ago.

Bay Pointe is turning a portion of their mission focus to India. Two weeks ago I interviewed for a trip that is going to focus on the rescue and rehabilitation of women from the sex trafficking industry that is so prevalent there.

Because the need is immediate, we are leaving at the end of January (less than 3 months away!), and I am on that trip.

However, I desperately need your help.

First, I need prayer. Please consider leveraging your faith for this team. We will be traveling January 27-February 5 and could use prayers for God's provision on this journey.

Second, I need help financing this trip. The total cost is $4,000 with the first $1,000 due on December 1.

If you choose to give, here are a couple of ways to do it.

1) Paper checks, made out to Bay Pointe, with nothing in the memo line, can be mailed to me at 545 Edmar Dr. Traverse City, MI  49686.

2) Donations can be made through Paypal. Send payments to jaytaylor84@gmail.com. (This option is not tax-deductible.)

Thank you so much for reading this long post and for your support as God says "go" once again.